Clitoral vibrators
People...I love my clitoris. It’s dainty and deceptively well hidden, but it makes me happy more frequently than pizza. Clitorises as a whole are pretty fantastic and if you’re lucky enough to own one I hope you take the time to tell yours how much you love it.
Much debate has been had over the purpose of the clitoris and so far it’s looking like the magnificent beast doesn’t exist for any other reason than to give us pleasure. Seriously think about that for a second. Name any other body part you can say that about; one orifice, organ or extremity that exists solely for pleasure.
That’s why, I believe, the human clitoris deserved the Order of Australia (instead of Prince Phillip), but that’s neither here nor there.
For such a delightful little extrusion, the clitoris is certainly well catered for when it comes to sex toys. If you’re the proud owner of a clitoris, or in the market to buy someone else’s something special, this guide is here to help you navigate the many offerings available for the little love button.
Most clitoral toys on the market fall into the very erotically titled “Clit Stim” category (short for clitoral stimulation). But don’t let the catchall name fool you, there’s a broad range of products that fall under this banner.
Novelties
I hate novelties. They are the reason the terrorists hate us. Novelty vibrators and clit stims rarely have any redeeming qualities and are usually designed to be purchased as gag gifts. They often come designed to look like something they’re not, for instance like a tube of lipstick or a mascara, there are some designed to look like cupcakes and some that look like a roll of lifesavers.
And let’s not forget the heinous monstrosity that is I Rub My Duckie.
These monuments to capitalist consumerism are about as effective as trying to masturbate to a tax return. Please don’t encourage them. Buying these toys makes you look like a high schooler who's desperate to get laid but too shy to ask what "getting laid" actually means.
Invest in toys worthy of your genitals!
Neck massagers and body wands
You may have heard of the Hitachi Magic Wand, since it’s one of the most famous vibrators that’s “totally not a vibrator” ever sold. There’s actually a whole range of “neck massagers” that were never designed to see anything above the navel.
These vibrators are almost always made to be plugged in to a power point and as a result deliver incredibly intense vibrations. The beauty of them is that you can put them as close to or as far away from your clitoris as you’re comfortable with.
If you’re like me and the only thing that’s going to get you off is a jackhammer going to town on your little red riding hood, then you’ll get a lot of mileage out of pressing one of these bad boys directly onto your clitoris or clitoral hood.
If you’re a more sensitive soul and you enjoy soft ripples of vibrations, you can use a body wand vibrator on somewhere like your thigh or mons pubis and let the waves roll across to your clitoris from there.
There are also battery operated and rechargeable body wands. These are usually smaller in size, and tend to pack a bit less punch than those that plug directly into the power.
Bullets and eggs
‘Clitoral bullets’ refers to anything vaguely bullet shaped that’s designed to be used externally for clitoral stimulation, while ‘clitoral eggs’ serve the same function but are, surprising everyone, more of an egg shape. The different shapes are designed to distribute the vibrations in different ways. A bullet will have an intense very localised sensation, whereas an egg will have a broader surface and a more even distribution of vibration.
Clitoral bullets come in varying degrees of power. If you love the raw grunt of a body wand but hate the inconvenient size, you might want to consider one of the more powerful bullets on the market. These little guys have all the guts and glory of a ‘neck massager’ but with none of the bulk and can both be conveniently recharged via USB or power point. But if you’re after something a little less aggressive there are plenty of options.
Bullets and eggs are fairly common and walking into any sex toy store, or browsing online, you’ll find plenty to select from. The trick is to remember your sex toy buying basics and don’t throw your money at the first thing you see. Do a bit of research and have a think about what’s going to work well with your body.
Vibrating panties
Let me be clear, the word “panties” is one that manages to both repulse and arouse me. So naturally I have very conflicted emotions about vibrating panties. Much like the We-Vibe they’re a rather brilliant idea, but they often fall spectacularly short in reality.
Often connected to a battery pack that’s designed to be wedged down your ass crack, these lacy confections are marketed as being sexy; and yet when you put them on you’ll probably feel more like you’re wearing an adult diaper. At least until you turn it on anyway. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a pair that fits well and the clitoral vibe will nestle nicely against your magic eight ball. The hard part is figuring out your sizing. You can’t try them on before buying them, and their sizing isn’t really similar to anything you already own.
The other issue is once you’ve got the vibrator in the right spot you probably won’t be able to move, because every time you do you’ll end up with it vibrating against your labia instead, which feels kind of like someone is blowing raspberries on your downstairs smile.
There are models that are remote controlled and are designed to be worn by one party while the other carries the remote around. The idea is that you can go out to dinner and be spontaneously aroused by your partner during your hors d'oeuvres.
As someone who enjoys both good sex and good food I can categorically say this is not something I’d want my partner to do. But if it’s something you can envisage yourself enjoying, then go for it! Make a night of it! But don’t forget that hoiking the thing up every time it falls off your clit is probably going to get old fast, so pack a spare pair of knickers if you think you might need them.
If you’re looking for a hands-free vibrator that doesn’t involve having to say the word “panties”, I’d recommend checking out the “Eva II” from Dame or the classic “We-Vibe”.
Rabbit ear clitoral vibes
These are NOT to be confused with Rabbit Vibrators, which are an internal style vibrator.
Rabbit ear clitoral vibes are small vibrators with two prongs that are designed to sit on either side of the clitoris as they vibrate. These are built for people who prefer a teasing sensation rather than an intense, direct vibration applied to their love nub.
I’m going to be honest with you, I’ve never owned one of these before and probably never will since teasing isn’t something my clit takes kindly to. However there are quite a few of these designs on the market. One of the earliest was Jimmy Jane’s “Form”, but newer designs like the “Duet” from Crave are sleeker and more elegant, or the more affordable model from Je Joue.
If you know that you like peripheral sensations around your clitoris as opposed to it being touched directly, then I’d recommend the rabbit ears a whirl.
Finger bullets
Not to be confused with finger guns (pew pew).
Finger bullets can be the lazy person’s alternative to fingering, or they can be a beautiful accompaniment to some digital down time. These little devices are designed to be worn on a finger and eliminate any issues that arise from holding a clitoral bullet or egg in the same place.
That might not sound like a problem that ever needed solving but if you take into account that intense vibrations can make your fingers go numb before your clit does, sometimes holding the thing in the right spot is a harder task than it sounds.
There’s also the small fact that there are many people with disabilities or health issues that make holding relatively small, but strongly vibrating things a bit of a pain in the ass. So finger bullets aren’t quite the crock they might seem.
They take up a bit less space than a clitoral egg or bullet, so they’re a bit more streamlined if you want something to press against your vagina’s doorbell while you’re having penetrative sex.
The best in class here is, without a doubt, Dame’s “Fin“ but there’s also Unbound’s “Palma” ring.
Ticklers
Ticklers are, as they sound, designed to tickle the clit rather than pressing against it for intense vibrations. I am inclined to think that Clit Ticklers are the post it note of the sex toy world; someone invented a motor that was completely rubbish and rather than starting again and creating a better motor they instead found a way to market the shitty one.
To be fair, this is coming from a clitoris who isn’t happy with anything less than 12 volts being applied directly to its head, so don’t take me too seriously.
As with the rabbit ear clit vibes, the ticklers are great for people who like a little bit of tease around the clit but don’t really get off on anything applied directly or intensely.
Typically ticklers are things like Doc Johnsons Wonderland range or the actual brand Tickler and their products. Realistically you can use most clitoral vibrators as a tickler, simply by holding them at the right distance from your sexual on switch.
A less traditional example of the tickler is the Sqweel. Designed to emulate oral sex, but neglecting to realise that receiving head is as much about pressure as it is about a series of rotating tongues, the Sqweel works best when applied lightly as a clit tickler.
Suction
A relatively new entrant to the world of sex toys is the “suction” device. Originally made famous by the Womanizer or the Satisfyer Pro (depending where your loyalties lie), the suction design is now a staple part of the clitoral toy market. We Vibe have their ‘Melt’, Unbound have their ‘Puff’ and woman-led, design-forward company Biird have the “Obii”.
Interestingly though, despite the name, a lot of these products don’t actually ‘suck’. Many of the early reviews of the Satisfyer products reported not notcing any kind of air flow at all, instead the toy seemed to use vibrations. Keep this in mind if you’re after a product you can use for suction play elsewhere on your body, like nipples. Even Lelo’s ‘Sona’, often listed as a suction device, apparently uses ‘sonic waves and pulses’.
Counter-intuitively, if you’re interested in something that will let you enjoy proper suction, you’ll want to look for something called with ‘pump’ in the name. For instance the Bloom Intimate Body Pump comes with 4 different attachments so you can use it anywhere you please.
Lay-on clitoral vibes
There are a huge range of lay-on clitoral vibrators out there, in all shapes and sizes. Most of them are easily recognisable; any palm sized toy with a broad flat surface that also vibrates.
Lay on clitoral vibes come in both battery operated and rechargeable, some will be waterproof and some definitely won’t be. They’re usually middle of the road in terms of vibrational power - they don’t pack the bunch of some of the bullets but they’re more usually more rumbly and intense than a tickler.
Dame has the '“Pom”, We-Vibe has the “Touch” and Iroha have their squishy trilogy of Yuki, Midori and Sakura.
Lay-on vibrators can be a great place to start if you’re not sure what you and your clitoris are going to enjoy. Pick a generic vibe you like the look of, that’s not too pricey and from there you can figure out what what’s missing, what you want more or less of.
If the vibrations aren’t intense enough, try a higher powered clitoral bullet. If you find it’s too overwhelming, consider getting a tickler. If you’re enjoying it, but feel like you want to feel something internally as well you can start looking at dildos to pair it with.
Sex toys are a road of discovery and you shouldn’t expect to find the perfect one straight out of the gate.
So that’s your basic survival guide to clitoral sex toys. I hope this has been informative for you and your clitoris and don’t worry, next year that Order of Australia is ours. We’ve earned it fellow clitoris owners!
That is all.
You may go now.