[Estimated reading time: 5 minutes]

People...I hate rabbits. I hate their twitchy little faces. I hate that they eat their own poop because their digestive tract is so ineffecient. And I hate that they get to wear fur all year round, but when I do it people call me a “monster”. I also hate that whenever someone hobbles together a clitoral vibe and an internal vibe everyone is like “Oh my god, what a genius idea” when in fact it defeats the purpose of both objects needing to be independently moved. And this was exactly the attitude that I took with me when I tried the new We-Vibe Nova.

As with many things in this world however, it’s important to acknowledge our own biases. I personally hate rabbits largely because my clitoris demands something with the power of a deep sea oil drill, and I like to use a dildo that more or less clubs my g-spot like a baby seal. So when I decided to review this toy, I anticipated that I might have to outsource to someone whose genitalia is a bit more gentil. It turns out though, that just this once, perhaps, maybe I was mistaken. It hasn't happened before, so it's hard to be certain.

The Nova is coated in premium silicone, which as we all know is exactly what you want from a good toy. It means that it’s non-porous and isn’t going to give you any nasty infections, providing you’re diligent about washing it properly after use. Which is super easy to do since the Nova is 100% waterproof, meaning you can give it a nice bath with some warm water and soap to really get into the nooks and crannies (heh, crannies).

It uses an induction charger, which means there’s no fucking around trying to find the fiddly little pinhole, which is great if you’re vision impaired or have any issues around fine motor function (okay sure, I’m trying to couch this in terms of accessibility for people with disabilities, but it’s also great if you like to wank and recharge when you’re drunk).

Like so many toys these days, it also feels the need to come with an app. No one is quite sure when or why sex toy companies felt the need to include sex toys in this “internet of things” trend, but 99% of us are just patiently waiting for them to stop. Despite adding irrelevant apps, the design of the function buttons helps to bypass that annoying thing that happens with the Tango. Because you have a back and forward button to scroll through the functions, if you go to far you don’t have to then cycle through the whole lot again. You just hit the back arrow. So much sexual frustration saved!

Alright, let’s talk brass tacks. The We-Vibe Nova is marketed as having one crucial difference to the typical rabbit you might be familiar with. Where the clitoral vibrator on most rabbits sits delicately above the clitoris and often acts as a tickler, the Nova’s clitoral fin is shaped in a way that pushes directly against it. This means that in contrast to pretty much every other rabbit ever, it’s designed for thrusting.

It’s a bold claim, and one that I was skeptical of. The big problem with rabbits is that as soon as you move the shaft, the clitoral fin just slides around being about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. When I started using the Nova though, I realised how clever it actually is. As you thrust, the clitoral fin thrusts with you. It doesn’t slide all over the place, it doesn’t fuck around with any “tickler” bullshit, it pushes its awesome rumbly vibes straight onto your go button. This would be cool on its own, but it’s also paired with a great shaft. The internal end of the Nova has a nice fat head on it, which means there’s more surface area to find your g-spot and some awesome vibrations hitting there once it does.

As someone who has spent their career casting aspersions on rabbits, I now feel the need to add a caveat to my spiel. All rabbits are shit...except the Nova. It really is a great toy that delivers exactly what it promises. If you’re like me and have a high maintenance hoo-ha, it’s not necessarily going to be your ideal device, but it certainly isn’t going to leave you high and dry. It’s absolutely perfect for first toy buyers, since it will give you everything you need to discover what you do and don’t like, with enough flexibility to adjust it to suit your needs. And for experience toy users looking for that elusive, quality combo toy that delivers great vibrations in all the right places, you honestly can’t go past it.

The We-Vibe Nova is what all other shitty rabbits should aspire to be.

That is all.

You may go now.