[Estimated reading time: 9 minutes]

People...I really like bad ideas. They delight me. From invading Russia in winter, to fighting land wars in Asia (let alone going up against Sicilians when death is on the line).

I think bad ideas are just awesome, because bad ideas make you appreciate truly brilliant ideas when you come across them.

And the We-Vibe is a brilliant idea. 

The We-Vibe is designed to be worn during penis-in-vagina sex. This isn’t the only thing you can do with it, but we’ll get to that later.

The (brilliant) idea is, you slip one half of the toy inside a vagina, and the other half sits outside on the clitoris. Then you turn it on and enjoy the vibrations from both inside and outside your cave of wonders.

At this point it amps up the awesome even more by suggesting that you throw a dick into the mix! Huzzah! 

But I have some bad news, dear readers.

Sometimes the best ideas can still lead to underwhelming results.

The We-Vibe gave me underwhelming results.

One of the first problems you'll encounter is a stumbling block for the penis-owner. As many penis owners will tell you, vibrations aren’t really something that gets them off. It’s why you don’t normally see vibration-centric sex toys designed for dicks. That’s not to say all willies feel the same way, but it’s a good general rule (#NotAllPenisOwners).

But assuming your penis-endowed partner isn’t super keen on the buzzing, that’s still cool right? I mean presumably they’re just as happy for you to enjoy your good vibrations all the way to orgasm. Well here’s the second problem. Because the we-vibe sits inside the vagina with the penis, but remains stationary while the penis thrusts in and out, you run the risk of friction burn. The internal side of the we-vibe can chafe against the shaft of the penis. The harder the two of you fuck, the more it's going to feel like your junk is one spark away from starting a small house fire.

Most penis-owners will tell you they’re not big fans of becoming sexual kindling (fussy buggers). You can try and combat this by wearing a condom or being really generous with the lube. Or you can slow the fuck down. Literally. Instead of screwing like bunnies on doomsday, try throwing on some Barry White and making love instead. The decreased speed will prevent the friction burn, but the penis-owning participant may still be irritated by the vibrations.

If you’re fortunate enough to have a partner who isn’t bothered at all by the sensations of the We-Vibe on their penis, then you might actually be able to enjoy the toy the way it was designed to be used. Congratulations! 

If your penis-owning partner taps out of the We-Vibe experience, don’t worry! There are actually a lot more things you can do with it than just what’s on the packaging. 

The We-Vibe actually makes a pretty good butt toy. Insert one end anally and let the other end rest up along your perineum. For those of you not in the know, your perineum (or taint) is the area between your asshole and your genitals. It’s the same place on both penis and vagina owners. And, FYI, with the right stimulation it can feel amazing. Because of the shape of the We-Vibe, as long as you let it follow it’s natural curve outside you, you can safely use it anally without worrying about it disappearing up inside you. 

Using it anally means that for couples whose genitals come in a matching pair, there are a number of different ways to use the We-Vibe that won't involve any awkward penis-vibrations. Simply insert the We-Vibe into your butt and then proceed to do whatever you would normally do during sex, but now with an enjoyable buzz!

For dual-penis couples this can mean that during intercourse, the giver can wear the We-Vibe while fucking their compatriot. For double vagina couples, it means that one party can wear the We-Vibe anally while they use a strap on, or while their partner fucks them with a toy. The possibilities are endless! 

The other thing the We-Vibe is great for, is hands free stimulation. If you have a hole and enjoy stimulating it, but also enjoy say rubbing your nipples or masturbating, then you can slip the We-Vibe into place and still keep two hands free to explore yours or your partner’s body. You can also use it with one of your favourite toys, the same way as you would with a penis. Except your favourite toy is less likely to complain about vibrations or chafing. 

Vagina owners can also use it to do pelvic floor exercises, by inserting it and then walking around with it in. Your body’s muscles will contract to grip the We-Vibe and you’ll end up with stronger vaginal wall muscles. Just remember not to do it for more than 45 minutes at a time, or you’ll get muscle fatigue, which can lead to brief periods of incontinence. 

Regardless of the kind of genitals you have, or the kind of relationship you're in, you'll be able to find a use for it. It may not be the use that was intended by the designers, but I like to think that as long as you're having good, consensual fun, the We-Vibe is just chuffed to be included. 

In conclusion, the We-Vibe is like Communism. It’s a great idea, but people don’t really work that way.

So adapt it! Use it the way you want to and it’s actually not a bad toy.

That is all.

You may go now.