[Estimated reading time: 10 minutes]

People…I enjoy fucking women. There’s a lot of awesome things that two naked women can do together. Aside from the obvious options of braiding each other’s hair, pillow fights and dismantling the patriarchy, there’s also a ton of fun to be had with fingers, tongues, hands and boobs. But sometimes it’s fun to introduce a toy or two, just to take the pleasure to the next level. And when that moment comes, the first thing I pull out of my utility belt is The Share.

The basic problem The Share is trying to solve is one presented by strap-ons. I’m not sure how intimate you are with strap ons, dear readers, but if you’ve ever used them extensively you’ll notice a few small design flaws. Sometimes getting the harness to fit can be a real pain in the ass (or the vag, as the case may be). Other times it’s the difficulty of finding a good dildo that fits into the O-ring, or onto the Vac-U-Lock stub. For me though it’s the significant lack of any feeling for the giver. I find that even if I try and shove a clit vibe down the front, the harness never fits snugly enough to keep it in the right spot, so I’m left just thrusting away and imagining what life might be like if I had a dick. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a selfish lover. I’ll happily go without to ensure that my partner has a good time. But that’s exactly what I love about The Share, it’s designed so that no one has to go without!

I’ll admit, I have penis envy. I’ve always admired the penis for its tenacity, can-do attitude, and it’s desire to be in warm wet holes. When I first started having sex with women, I always felt a primal instinct to be thrusting some non-existent appendage into my sexual partner. This instinct never really went away, it just became more obvious that it was a pretty useless impulse. So when I was managing a sex toy store and The Share showed up in a sales catalogue, I completely succumbed to my baser instincts and ordered thirty of them. My dreams of having a penis were finally going to come true!

Confession time; I’m an unapologetic size queen. For those of you not down with the lingo, allow me to elaborate. The queer community created this beautiful term to refer to gay men who preferred a partner with a bigger dick. Like so many things, it has since been stolen by the straight community and turned into a bit of vicious slur against “shallow bitches who like big dick”. I’m a shallow bitch who likes big dick. If I’m being honest, most of the dick I’m referring to here is disembodied and purchased online. When I’m shoving things into my Bat-Cave, I’ll always err on the larger side. So when I unboxed (heh) my Share, I was pleasantly surprised. The Share is not a small toy.

Designed to be worn inside the vagina of the “top”, so that they can then have sex with the “bottom”, the top’s end is a lot shorter, but also a lot girthier. This is done deliberately as it’s made to be held in place by your pelvic floor muscles, hence how it works without a harness. When I was selling this in my shop I noticed that a lot of vagina owners were a bit hesitant about this part, because we all have a tendency to believe that our vagina isn’t strong enough. The Share is solid silicone, so it has a fair amount of heft to it. As I held it, I looked down at my vag and reminded him that he’d better not let me down. I wanted my penis dreams to come true goddamnit. As I dutifully lubed it up, I did have a moment of panic where I wondered if my vagina was actually wide enough to accommodate this much toy. But as soon as I relaxed and reminded myself that people shove children’s heads out of these things, it slipped right in. I stood up to admire myself. I was fucking resplendent!

I had a stupendous, big purple cock. I’d never felt so magnificent, standing there naked with my massive erection. At this point the penis took over. It told me the world needed to know about my spectacular dick. So I walked into the living room to show myself off to my partner. Walking around with The Share in was an interesting experience, and I’m not sure whether it was the feel of the toy, or the feeling of having a dick, but by the time I made it to the living room I was almost orgasmic.

“BEHOLD! I have a cock!”

My partner stared at me in terror.

“Are you going to try and peg me with that thing?!”

“No! I’m just going to stand here until you acknowledge my magnificence.”

“Oh...well in that case...that’s a very nice dick. Bit intimidating, but very impressive.”

And that was probably when I orgasmed. I had lived the complete penis owner experience. My wage had just spontaneously increased by 25%.

Walking around with The Share inside me made me realise that my pelvic floor muscles weren’t actually doing as much work as I’d anticipated. Most of the weight of the toy was being held up by my thighs and it was only mid stride where I felt my floor muscles working. This meant that when I later tried it out with partners, if my muscles started to tire I would just bring my thighs closer together to support the extra weight (the only time that closing my legs in bed has led to better sex). Obviously this is going to vary person to person, and if you’re one of those people with a delightful thigh gap you might struggle a little to use it this way.

When you’re using The Share you’ll find that you can actually rest it against the clitoris of the person who is topping, which is great if you’re into grinding against things during sex. As the top you’ll also feel a slight back and forth of pull and pressure as you’re thrusting into a partner. It’s not the same as having someone fuck you with a toy or penis though, so don’t expect The Share to be like a double-ended dildo; but it is a lot more than you’ll get with a strap on.

If you’re bottoming and someone uses The Share on you, ask them to go slowly to start. While for me the size is perfect, it does taper out to be quite girthy quite quickly and if you’re not prepared for that it could hurt. If you’re like me though, you’ll love the feeling of fullness and how close it gets you to your partner as you take more of it. And the person who is topping you can enjoy watching your face as they control how much or how little they give you.

The Share is great for making love, or fucking with abandon. Topping with it allows you complete control over how hard, how deep, and how fast you fuck your partner, while rewarding you with sensations of your own. Receiving it makes you feel like your partner spontaneously grew a magnificent dick, one that provides some pretty intense sensations. It frees up hands and mouths to explore other activities, and can help to create intimate moments, or kinky role playing, depending what you’re into.

It’s made by Fun Factory, who are super responsible about only using the best quality materials. It might seem expensive, but I’ve had mine for over three years now and haven’t had a single problem with it, so it’s durable as hell. The Share honestly is one of my favourite toys, and if you’re a vagina owner who is into fucking other people’s holes, I can’t recommend it highly enough.

That is all.

You may go now.