[Estimated reading time: 8 minutes]

People...I still hate rabbits. This is a well established fact. So when the lovely people at Sugar and Sas gifted us with a brand new Svakom rabbit vibrator, I knew that it wasn’t something I was well equipped to review. So in order to provide you with the most unbiased reporting on how well the Lorna performs, Dame Pussington will be taking the reins today!

Unlike Miss Smut Buttons, I actually am a fan of rabbit style vibrators and have owned and/or enjoyed a number of them in my life (the trick is to store them separately so they don’t breed). So when the Lorna landed in my lap I was eager to give her a whirl and see what she could do.

Lorna has a sleek and attractive aesthetic, and is made from high quality silicone that’s very nice to touch - I may have fondled her for longer than necessary, so sue me. Unlike some people I’m not a size queen, but I have to admit, the Lorna is slightly smaller than I prefer and I was concerned that the external and internal stimulator wouldn’t be able to reach my clitoris and g-spot simultaneously. But who am I to look a gift vibrator in the mouth, right?

Many sex toys these days come with a gimmick, something to set them apart from the rest of the crowd. Normally I’m really skeptical about these, but the Lorna’s point of difference if that she’s touch activated. I immediately thought of partners and people with mobility issues, chronic pain, ageing bodies and disabilities - this could be a game changer in terms of accessibility. These are people whose sexual needs are far too often overlooked or disregarded, including when it comes to designing and manufacturing sex toys.

Fortunately, a rising number of companies are beginning to address this, producing more toys with a variety of accessibility features that are designed to cater to a broader range of needs and preferences. Sadly though, the Lorna is not one of them. It is with great disappointment that I report the Lorna falls woefully short of being accessible. It’s poor feature design and execution leave a lot to be desired...literally.

The charging port is located under a metallic cap at the base of the toy, (held in place by magnets that decided they were better off as friends than lovers). There are two small connecting divots on the cap and charging port and no other discernible way to lock or secure the cap to the toy. What this means is that the divots are quite difficult to align and do very little to keep the cap from twisting or sliding off the toy entirely if bumped or jostled. Which is exactly as great as you’d imagine when you’re bumping and jostling it against your genitals all willy-nilly.

The touch activation function seems to be controlled via the metal cap. This means the touch activation only works if the divots inside stay aligned correctly...which they don’t. Also, instead of adjusting the power or vibration modes, the touch activation only works as an additional on/off switch. This would be great, if it wasn’t so easy to accidentally turn the toy off during use. To make matters even worse, the instruction manual contains no information on the touch activation function, apart from how to disable it.

The actual method for controlling power (or functions) are three incredibly inconveniently placed little buttons located below the rabbit ears. Which, if you had mobility or dexterity issues would be a complete nightmare.

In order to test the Lorna, I made sure she was fully charged and disabled the touch activation, since apparently I’m a Mary Sue and am great at everything except basic coordination. After turning her on (with some sweet jazz music and candle light) I was pleasantly surprised by Lorna’s reasonably powerful vibration level.

I adjusted the settings so that both motors were running at the highest level of vibration. I put on some very tasteful (and totally not Furby related) porn, and applied a generous amount of water based lube so Lorna and I could get to know each other.

As suspected, the internal stimulator didn’t reach my g-spot. On the upside though, the rabbit ears did reach my clitoris. The battery life was good; I used the toy for approximately half an hour and Lorna didn’t stumble or stutter once. The metallic cap did slip off shortly after I began using it, and I didn’t bother to put it back on. In retrospect this could potentially have caused some issues if any fluids had come into contact with the exposed charging dock. Hopefully they have a safety mechanism in place for that, but the fact that I don’t know and it’s not covered in the manual is mildly terrifying.

I was always taught about the importance of saying something nice. And I really want to say something nice about Lorna, because the idea is really cool. But if I’m being honest (and Miss Smut Buttons tells me I’m now legally obliged to be) then I really can’t recommend Lorna to anyone. Her one point of difference (the touch activation feature) is so poorly executed that it’s worse than useless. And you can easily find a rabbit vibrator of equal quality in terms of motor function, form, and materials, and probably pay less for it.

The size and shape of Lorna isn’t conducive to getting yourself from the outside and inside simultaneously, since the internal stimulator isn’t curved enough to hit your g-spot even if it was long enough to reach it. Plus the issue of having a cap that’s all over the place is a bit of a risk in terms of damage to either the toy or yourself. I mean, sure the battery life and vibration strength were solid, but there are many other rabbits I can say that about that are bringing more to the table than Lorna is.

I’m sorry Lorna. I really wanted things to work out between us, but the truth is, I’m just not that into you, and I know I can do better.

That is all.

You may go now.