[Estimated reading time: 6 minutes]

People...we need to talk. I’ve experienced a revelation, and to be honest I don’t think I’ll be the same person from this point on. I’ve decided to become a missionary (a new position for me) so I can spread the good word across the globe.

So, dear readers, it’s time you asked yourself...are you ready to accept Njoy into your life and orifices?

You might remember that the first review we ever published here at Smut Buttons was for the lauded Zombie Killer a.k.a the Pipedream Extreme Metal Worx Curve. The Zombie Killer is a fan favourite and is clearly modelled after the Njoy Fun Wand.

Since reviewing the Zombie Killer, I’d been operating on the assumption that the Fun Wand and Zombie Killer would be more or less twins. I expected that they’d be the exact same dimensions and size. In reality the Fun Wand is significantly smaller than the Zombie Killer (as you can see above), both in terms of length and girth. The Fun Wand is around a third smaller.

This discrepancy in size though should not be viewed as a negative. Like the Zombie Killer, the Fun Wand has two distinct ends, one for vaginal and one for anal stimulation (although there’s nothing saying you can’t mix and match however you’d like). On the Fun Wany, the anal beaded end is less confronting than the beads on the Zombie Killer, which makes it better for butt stuff beginners. The more subtle curve, slimmer girth and smaller head of the Fun Wand also makes it more accessible for amateurs, since it’s a bit more forgiving if you’re not aiming to club away at your g-spot like it's an easy to catch seal.

The Pure Wand on the other hand is actually a wee bit bigger than the Zombie Killer with two differently sized steel balls and girths. The Pure Wand has the strongest g-spot curve of any toy I’ve ever used. If you know you like to focus on the g-spot for orgasms, there are no words for how much you’ll love this product.

It’s like the gods sat upon Olympus and went, “You know what, I feel like we’ve given those vagina-owners a bit of a raw deal. What would be a suitable gift to make up for millennia of substandard sex with penises that are dead straight and don’t come close to touching any of the pleasure zones?” And Aphrodite just raises an eyebrow and throws down the Pure Wand. “I had my husband make this for me years ago. Tell those mortals they’re fucking welcome.”

Because that’s how I feel when the Pure Wand is inside me. Like I’m fucking myself with a literal gift from the gods and as my eyes roll back in my head with wave after wave of sploosh-tastic orgasms I swear I see one of them staring at me nodding with erotic approval.

Many potential Wand users are dissuaded by the steel because they anticipate the cold. In all honesty I can assure you this isn’t even a consideration. You might notice a split second or two when it first touches your labia, but to be honest if you’re using anything on your clitoris you’ll be too distracted. And once it’s inside you all you’re thinking about is how fucking amazing it feels!

These Wands, unlike the Zombie Killer, are genuine stainless steel. This means they shouldn’t tarnish from use. It also makes them the perfect medium for temperature play, you can use any kind of lubricant with them, and they’re a cinch to clean. Just be careful about dropping them on ceramic surfaces, because they’re heavy and you’ll break your basin before you break your Wand.

Some people will find the medium of steel a little daunting as far as toys go, and I know when I was first given my Zombie Killer it took me months to summon up the courage to try it. Honestly though, once you’ve tried it there’s a strong chance you won’t go back to anything else. They’re easy to clean, easy to lube and hit all the right spots.

The Fun Wand is a perfect toy for beginners, or people with shorter, smaller or more responsive vaginas.

The Pure Wand is the perfect play partner for people who like to really go to town on their g-spot.

Both toys are phenomenal, but for my money the Pure Wand is the clear winner, with its strong curve and varying girths it’s absolute perfection. I would go so far as to say that no other dildo on the market has ever come close in terms of g-spot stimulation.

So, if you’ve got the coins to spare, please treat yourself, and your g-spot, to the good time you both deserve. Thanks to Nikki Darling you don't even need to rely on international dildo dealers like I did, you can just jump on their website and buy your own enchanted wand whenever you want to! 

That is all.

You may go now.